Capable

You want to feel like you're capable of anything. I used to feel more like that. I really did. I used to think that. I used to think...I'm a force, you have no idea. Where did that go? Maybe it was from her? Maybe it was enabled by being loved? Maybe I'm not that anymore. Maybe that's not inside of me anymore? Maybe that's just narcissism, anyway? Maybe I was ignorant and cocksure and now I'm intelligent and full of doubt?

Time

Some days it's like it never even happened. None of it. I was never there. She was never there. We were never married. We were never happy. We never knew each other. We never lived together. We never fell apart. We never hurt.

Today is a little like that, I guess. Maybe not as much like that as I want it to be. There are reminders. Time marches on. I keep getting older. It keeps drifting further away. The pain lessens a little, here and there.

I'm tired. I'm tired of hurting and feeling. I just want to find a path forward. That's what her brother told me. You need to find a path forward.