Honey Come Home by The Head and the Heart

Learning to play this song on my guitar. Hits ever so close to home. Teared up today singing it. It's not just the song itself, which is sad enough. It's the era it's from. It's actually one of her favorite songs, too.

It's Only Life by The Shins

Takes me to a pretty melancholy time of my life. I was struggling in ways that are hard to describe. Having her leave, though, is an entirely new level...it's something I legitimately believe I may never get over. I might never overcome any of it.

Today she asked for money

I have so much hurt. I know she does, too. I know a lot of this is my fault. But asking for money made me upset. I fired off an angry email. It had softened by the end. I can't be mad at her, really. I really can't. I think she's mixed up and misguided. But she's still the person I've always known her to be.

Dream of her

My wife left me last year. She had good reasons. It wasn't entirely her choice. It's a complicated story that I'm not ready to put down on paper.

Now she's engaged. And it hurts. It's impossible not to think about what we had and what we lost. I feel like everything that was good in my life came from her. I had this wonderful woman who I loved and loved me in return in spite of all my flaws. Now that's gone. And I honestly don't know if I'll ever feel happy again. My life is full of emptiness and regret.

Sometimes I honestly want it to be over. Everything. Just over. I don't have the courage to kill myself. But I honestly wish it would just happen some way organically. Not because she got engaged, but because of the emptiness.